If you decide to sit down, calm your mind, grab your coffee or beer and ask yourself this question silently and curious, “Why do I do what always I do?”, it may sound silly but your brain will immediately start to give you some rational reasons based on your previous expectations, but if you go deeper and try to make sense of reasons in order to justify your decisions you will immediately realize from other point of view they also don’t make any sense at all. This may sound bizarre but let us grab some practical examples of common decisions and try to make some justifications, let’s try this,
What is the main reason for your parent/s to take you to school?!
Well you might say, coz they wanted me to be educated, but obviously there were many other alternatives for you been educated, but something else compelled them to act that way specifically regardless of many other available options. As someone planning for your kids to probably get the best education, you can yell to me directly “Bro! yo insane, the main reason is education?!”. Well now let’s rationalize your reason by this simple questions,
“Did they know if that education will be applicable in 15 years to come?!”,
“Did they know the cost of educating you to the end of your achievement?!”,
“Did they have plan or alternatives if things turn sideway at the end of you education journey?!”
If you goes on and on you, rationally you can simply conclude there were bunch of things which actually make your success in education being ZERO but probably this didn’t even cross their minds by that moment, in other terms they did what they have to do. But that answer is really unsatisfactory. If you think deeper you start getting the feeling that, “… did somebody program this crazy show on our brain or what?!!” N don’t quote me wrong I haven’t said it’s bad to take care the education of your kids.
What I try to portray is, sometimes it’s feel reasonable to approach the world as place of order and reasoning but if you look for reasons behind our choices the world doesn’t appear to always operate that way, to some cases not even close. But if reasoning isn’t effective approach to describe how societies or individuals operate the way they does, what other axioms can guide us to have a better grasp of how things works?!! Well, it turn out they are plenty?! But since these axioms are entirely perceptive they can vary a lot from scenario to scenario to the extent that one can indeed ignore their presence. 1st things 1st, I have to make you aware that I’m not professional life coach n all I try to do is making sense of things which actually are kind of not making sense at all! Yap! In other language they are what they are. So let us dive in at your own risk,
A Parachute of Hope
I don’t have clear definition for this, but for some reasons human beings tend to convince themselves that things will change and work on favors of their odds. It’s sound silly but it’s the only way, someone can ask WHY! Well, the reason is simple, human life is too complex for any individual to predict what will happen even in next hour therefore, one has to create a bias of what s/he think is likely to happen and ignore other possibilities, as human beings you must have your hopes or does nothing at all. So if you put hope into our axioms you can see, the same HOPE, which gave you confidence of making an attempt and patience of expecting the change, is the SAME HOPE which will trap you in terrible choices and prevent you from making any further step ahead. In a nutshell hope is neither good or bad however your ignorance on limitation of hope will terribly cost you. So, let say you hope that a business idea you had will flourish one day and become a spectacular real business, but fact is, very few business get a chance of surviving to the end, on top of that, for few businesses which succeeded to be built and move forward, only few keep making actual profit. While you need a massive amount of hopes to jump into particular business you really need to understand that, at the core of your life as a businessman there are dozens of hopeless chaos which requires you to understand that any dime of extended unrealistic hopes will blow your life and business in a minute. Let’s switch gears to relationships, an endless dream of being loved and love in return, well depend on how you define what love is, it really require a massive amount of hope to dump a huge chunk of your feelings to a stranger expecting they will appreciate and probably engage with you on the same level of commitment, but reality is things don’t always align that way, and due to complexity of your own emotions and inability of human beings to give sh*t about many things, somehow some individuals will completely blow you off no matter how willing, committed or trustful you are, well they are humans, but the token of hope which gave you courage to engage and be optimistic will really work against you on this round, coz while love been named and tagged as a really hopeful thing, it’s really hopeless when things goes sideway. Again, I should make this clear that it’s good to have a certain amount of hope otherwise you will end up being an empty and pointless being but maintaining your hopes in hopeless environment will numb you down and blow your emotions, and this will be really painful, depends on how much you keep your hopes more and more. To wrap this up, before you choose, you must hope.
So, while hope can actually give you the courage to take the risks, fear is the vice verse it’s like an inhibitor which makes you freeze and let the moment pass. Actual it’s not bad to be afraid, in simple terms fear is there to remind you how essential it is to manage and accept the risk of your actions. So, if you are a business person every moment you wanna start something new and move ahead the fear from knowledge of how business can go sideways and make massive loss will always make you stop taking that action. A person might come across really legit and profitable business and definitely afraid to take it just due to fear from past traumas. In case of relationship, imagine meeting a beautiful and amazing woman or guy whom probably you can start and build relationship but due to fear and previous traumas your brain subconsciously reminds you what can happen to you when things goes sideways to the extent that you can no longer engage with him/her and let them go. Sometimes you sit down and try to figure out why did you just back-off from particular decision and try to make all sorts of judgements but all you get is nothing reasonable, it’s feel like you just quit with no proper reasons, but reality is once some of new scenario parameters match previous scenario the fear in you triggered a subconsciously alert which make you behave the way you did.
Rational people don’t risk what they have and need for what they don’t have and don’t need.~ Warren Buffet, 2018 Letter
You can call it many sweet names including progress, but Making long story short “Human beings Wants More” and nothing can actually satisfy that hole unless somehow they learn to manage themselves. Every time we attain certain level of achievements, we immediately create desires for next levels. Been greedy is not a bad thing completely especially if an individual is realistic and know the consequences of taking more risk. From other perspective greed turn a person from him having money to money having him, from having one dedicated partner to having a series of strangers whom haunt him day and night, from been educated to crazy scientist who want to experiment on human beings, it’s just the itch of having more and more and more until you are complete lost. So, in many cases as an observer it’s correct not search for any reason and just assume that those who made these choices they were simply greed, they simply wanted something more. Back to our education example early, fact is, your parents didn’t entirely made those choices for you been educated, however there were number of hopes they had which somehow correlate with education system OR there were things they afraid and they were less prone or available when a kid is associated with academic institutes OR they just wanted something more for their kids, just something more. hahah… that’s all.
Since these things are pure emotional, no amount of words can actually be sufficient to explain. On top of that your rational thinking can’t switch off your false hopes, unrealistic fears and bad greed, If a dog bite you once, every time a dog barks you will not reason to walk or run, you will definitely RUN. But if you want to change and get more confident in front of dogs, after each RUN, you will definitely ask yourself, “Is it worth a run every time a dog bark?!” It will not be an easy process but through many trial and errors in many REPETITIONS you can later calm your fear once you hear dog barks, but again it’s not an easy task to calm none-rational instincts but sometimes it’s all required. So, in addition to that you can build a habit of asking these kind of questions for many choices you jump in,
For how long my hopes will turn into false hopes?!
What exactly am I afraid in this scenario?!
Is something more really necessary?!
Well you can put more and blend this information the way you want,
But always remember this,
The choice will always be yours to make, choose wisely.
4 Comments Add yours
Great article 🤝🤝. Thank you Afromist
Much appreciate, we will keep it up.
Another splending article Afromist
and for sure “choices will always be ours to make”.